Written by Bethany Dempsey of Thedempseydiaries.com
Day three of having my newborn button nosed baby, and I knew the tears were due, I’d been warned about the hormones, but boy did I cry.. Buckets and buckets.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s normal”
“These are massive changes to be going through!”
Is what everyone told me. And of course, they were right, my boobs were like rocks, my belly like a water bottle, jelly-like and round. Pre-baby clothes still don’t fit, but neither do my maternity. These aren’t moments I had envisaged, and my crying, it didn’t stop. The feeding through the night, hourly – cluster feeding I think the midwife called it? This was hard. Too hard.
Sobbing became part of my routine, sip my tea, and sob. Finally, get the baby down and sob. Declining calls because I just didn’t wanna talk. Sob a little more. I didn’t bother to brush my hair, nevermind shower.
The midwife kept asking about support, and the truth is, I had loads, EVERYONE wanted to help, everyone was so hands on – so why was this so hard for me?
My friends never had these issues they were perfect mom’s. I’m sure this is what they call baby blues I thought to myself, like a settling in period perhaps. I cried some more. Because I felt like a failure, this perfect gorgeous baby that I’d wished for, forever and a day was here WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? And that’s when the midwife announced those three little words. POSTNATAL DEPRESSION. It wasn’t a settling in period. Nor lack of support. It had a name.
Whilst I felt this huge stigma, I also felt hope. This is a thing, and if its a thing, it can be fixed. I broke my own heart as I finally text back my friend who I’d been ignoring.
“It’s postnatal depression”
I told her, full of sadness. And that’s when it happened
“Oh I had that!”
The conversation opened up, and I suddenly felt so much more normal. Things settled, tablets kicked in. Showering and getting dressed was no longer a chore. Support was in abundance and just having other people give their stories of post natal depression helped me realise I was not alone.
And that’s why I’m writing this, post natal depression is nothing to be ashamed of, we should share our accounts, break the stigma and help all the moms suffering in silence.
