Why I Breastfed for nearly 5 years

As a former midwife, I support women however they choose to feed, whether they can’t breastfeed or choose to bottle feed.  This is not meant to make anyone feel guilty about how they feed their baby, let’s just start with that!  I never thought I’d feed beyond 6 months so I’m thrilled that I managed to feed Daniel for nearly 5 years (we stopped 2 months before his fifth birthday). I’m writing this to hopefully debunk any myths about extended breastfeeding people have and to make people realise it’s more the norm than most people think.

Before I started, my breastfeeding journey so far

Before having children and before I started midwifery, I knew mums breastfed, I had some dim idea about when it finished, I don’t think I gave it much thought – maybe when they ate solid food around a year?  I thought the idea of feeding beyond 2 or 3 was a bit weird but each to their own.

Daniel is my fourth child and the fourth time I have breastfed, but I’d never done it beyond five months before.  I’d always struggled, found it too binding, needed sleep and a sense of me back.  My first child (sadly no longer with us), would not take any form of bottle at all and was very demanding (we later found out why, as she became ill) so at 4 months old I couldn’t take anymore and she went to Grandma’s overnight and had no choice but to take a bottle – when she came back I was so frightened to breastfeed again that I went on to the bottle and never looked back. 

My second attempt with my eldest son was better but I was scared of the same situation occurring and the effect it had on my mental health, so early on I made sure he took a bottle too. He was very good and would switch from bottle to breast no problem. I gradually phased out the breastfeeding though at 5 months. My third child, Phoebe, made me so sore and I needed nipple shields to cope with the pain for over a month – I also made sure she took a bottle. I now had two very small children, I’d had them close together and I found it hard to sit and breastfeed with a toddler around. I mostly bottle-fed her after the first two months and then went fully on the bottle at around 4-5 months. For my last child I wanted to make sure I gave myself and the baby the best chance of breastfeeding ‘properly.’ I was disappointed in myself (rightly or wrongly) for not seeing it through to at least 6 months exclusively.

Preparing for breastfeeding

I looked up my local La Leche League (LLL) group and got on their radar so that I would be notified of meetings.  I planned on going to an antenatal group but with work commitments and Daniel coming early, I never made it before he arrived.  I mentally prepared myself with Daniel – I felt differently, time had passed, I no longer had a toddler around, and I had several friends who had fed for longer and a good support network.  I wanted to be able to nurse for longer, at least until he was on solid food.  I had no idea how I would feel, and having suffered from postnatal depression twice, I didn’t want to put extra pressure on myself.

The reality

Daniel was born a tiny 5lb 7oz (read about his dramatic entrance here), he’d struggled to grow inside and I had pre-eclampsia, so he came out HUNGRY!  I also felt I needed to feed him up, so every time he cried or remotely looked like he needed feeding, I fed him.  Initially, all was ok, some soreness, but that was improving.  He would sleep and settle and I thought I’d cracked it!  Then after a couple of weeks he stopped letting me put him down, like, at all and I was struggling – I had two other children and the housework too.

My first meeting with LLL was when he was three weeks old.  I cried, got some much-needed support and from then on, went every couple of weeks to the meetings, where at the very least, I could sit, feed, drink tea and talk to like-minded women.  Each time I left feeling ready to carry on, supported and empowered.  I also felt useful at times, I could pass on what had worked for me and impart some professional advice too. I also met someone who has become a good friend. Without these meetings, I doubt I would have continued. Facebook groups helped too, along with real-life support.

I had times when it was extremely difficult – he’s never been a good sleeper, for the first 4 months it was hard to get him to sleep unless he was breastfed or carried in a sling, he hated the buggy, the car seat, the co-sleeper and the cot. I gave him a couple of bottles of formula in desperation, but it made no difference to his sleep so I figured he was just one of those babies and carried on. I tried dummies but he wouldn’t suck them.  I’m so glad I persevered, at 5 months he seemed to turn a corner, maybe he got over his colic, I’ll never know. He started napping for longer in his cot, and I was able to get him to sleep in his cot at night instead of our bed – not the whole night, mind, he still liked to wake up for a feed most nights, if he slept through it was more the exception than the rule.  He’s now nearly six and most nights he comes into our bed in the early hours. So once he started solids and I went back to work, why did I carry on?

Breastfeeding past 6 months and beyond – why?

Once they start solids, they actually eat very little at first, so breastmilk still provides them with most of their calories.

It was, and still is the easiest and quickest way to get him to sleep! Once he started sleeping for longer, it was no trouble to feed him and transfer to his bed.

Breastmilk changes and adapts to their needs.  It doesn’t stop being good for them at any point.  It still contains all the antibodies and nutrients he needs.  It also varies according to whether you’re feeding a boy or girl – clever stuff!

Comfort – this is a huge part of it, he gains so much comfort and reassurance from it, especially when he’s ill or bumped himself.  He had his first haircut and was grumpy having just woken up – I breastfed him and it was done no problem.  He had his immunisations and a quick feed made it far less traumatic for me and him.

Bonding – when we were apart, feeding gave us a chance to reconnect and cuddle. There’s nothing nicer than having a snuggle and feed and watching him fall asleep so comfortable and happy.

Pride – I was so proud that he loved it and got so much out of it, I feel empowered as a woman and a mother.

Frequently asked questions about extended breastfeeding

Hasn’t he got teeth?

YES!  When he first got his two bottom teeth at 6 months, he delighted in biting down, and for a week I thought I’d have to stop, it was horrendous!  Then he adapted and only did it if he startled.  Even when he had all his teeth they were no problem.

How often do you feed?

Usually, once in the morning, a small feed to go for a nap, a feed in the evening and one in the night.  Occasionally there is more if he’s unwell or unsettled.  If I’m working, just in the morning and evening, he has food and water, but no milk when I’m not there – any expressed milk I gave to my Mum or nursery was getting wasted so I stopped giving it to him. At the end, it was a quick feed before bed which was often a few sucks and done.

Do you still feed in public?

Yes, I did.  Not as much as I didn’t feed as much during the day, but I didn’t find it an issue.  I was able to be quite discreet about it, and I’ve never had one negative comment.  The struggle was if he fussed about and coming on and off it was hard to hide – then I told him no more.  He tended to only want it if he was tired and wanted to go to sleep, otherwise I would give him a drink of water or snack if I thought he was hungry or thirsty.  I’m not one to whip it out all the time.

What about sex?

When I get the urge and time, it’s no problem, I like to keep a bra on in case of an unwelcome letdown, but other than that it doesn’t affect our sex life at all, my boobs still get involved.

How long will you feed him for?

At the time I really didn’t know, is the honest answer.  I would get the odd comment, like – are you still breastfeeding?  (Hence this post).  Will he still be doing it at school?  Probably not, I always said I’d do it as long as either I wanted to, or until he wanted to.  He loved it, so I was never sure when he was going to self wean, but I didn’t set any firm limits. The world health organisation (WHO) recommends breastfeeding until age 2, when I told my husband that, he said, ‘sod that,’ but he equates breastfeeding with less sleep, I’m less convinced it follows. I think after 2 years he gave up commenting.

Of course, there were lots of times when I wished someone else could do it for a while, that I was the only one who could get him to sleep – my husband tried but rocking him to sleep can take so much longer and with far more upset, it’s easier if I did it, and if I was there, there’s no chance as he would reach out for me and guilt trip me with his watery eyes!

How long did you breastfeed for?  Have your opinions changed along your breastfeeding journey?